This group is for folks who are, or have recently been, in committed “heterosexual" (appearing) relationships and are questioning their sexual-orientation/gender expression, and for those who are in the process of “coming out.”

This can be a very exciting, confusing, and possibly even terrifying time for you in your life as you navigate a shift in your relationships (with yourself and with your partner) and having the support of other folks who understand what this feels like can make a world of a difference.

This is an intentional space where you can discuss your thoughts, feelings, fears, hopes, and experiences with one another and receive non-judgmental support and encouragement as you navigate this major life change.

The purpose of this group is to hold space for you, and not to push you in any particular direction. You will decide what is best for you and your life in your own time. We will be here to support you through the process.

Fridays at 5:00pm EST (CURRENTLY FULL)

Tuesdays at 6:00pm EST (ONLY THREE SPOTS LEFT)

$80/session/person

An initial 4-week commitment is required for two reasons

1. To establish group safety - this is a group that requires a lot of vulnerability and sensitive information for everyone in attendance, and feeling safe is a MUST

2. To ensure you give yourself time to get comfortable in a very vulnerable environment. After that 4 weeks you can choose to continue or decide it isn’t for you.

Why “Firefly”? - The term “Firefly” to describe this very specific population - of folks who are in the process of coming out as Queer “later in life”, and while navigating/having navigated “heterosexual” relationship dynamics - is a very intentional term coined by me, Mallory Hanfling, LCSW in 2019.

I began this work after going through my own coming out journey and realized that using the language above to describe my experience felt labor intensive, and I wanted a shorthand term that could readily identify people who shared my experience. I also considered how great it could be to have an easy way to signal a shared life experience on dating apps, similarly to the term “unicorn”, “bear”, “otter", etc. that other specific populations employ - to help build community and find people who can empathize (and also to “filter out” anyone who was not interested in the dynamics that accompany this particular life journey).

After testing out a variety of different terms, I landed on firefly for the following reasons:

1. Fireflies, as adults, have gone through many stages to become themselves, as do the folks in this population. Upon emergence as their fullest and most authentic selves, fireflies brilliantly light up the night sky and bring joy and a sense of wonder to those who have the privilege of experiencing them. They are a beacon of hope in the darkness as well. It is my opinion that this population has the same effect for the people in their worlds, once they become their fullest and most authentic selves after coming out.

2. Fireflies go through a metamorphosis, similarly to butterflies. The first several stages of their lives are all underground. The symbolism of living a large portion of its life underground felt relevant and emerging in adulthood felt fitting to this population’s experience

3. Fireflies use their glow (bioluminescence) in a flashing sequence to attract mates. The sequence is very specific and attracts only the right mates for themselves. By self-identifying as a Firefly, one is signaling to attract someone who is ready and willing and excited to engage with the right person for them moving forward.

Firefly is now in the Urban Dictionary! https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Firefly

TikTok: Introducing "Firefly" to TikTok